(2017 – Surprised by how contemporary this piece of writing feels for me now.)
‘Welcome to the restless confusion of coming into a new era.
Listen to the jangled tones of realization.
Can we evolve fast enough in this ancient new tangent?
What we have been saying for years appears to be changing the world, but not as I’d envisioned exactly.
Madness invades the integral core of my pumping brain.
Power so huge I cannot get my arms around it. Cannot grasp it.
Are there other worlds outside this idyll now that are worth exploring again?
I have reached this age when I am turning and facing myself.
And I do not see anything there at all.
And when I think of who I really am, I cannot really face it, accept it or become.
Become into being
(Desperately needing purpose still.)’
‘In the garden:-
dig and sow 4 more rows of French beans
mow back lawn
straw/mulch for strawberries (pine needles? Dunans? bags?)
weeding, watering, weediing
cut forest paths back
build bender benches/bed
dig fire pit
sow chamomile and borage….central patch?
buy carrots/beetroot/winter/spring cabbage/swedes
Dense, sensitive, slow hum,
Hum humming of life.
Flutter of butterfly wings
and chirrup of buzzing things.
The trickle chuckle river and the
warm, ticklish air.
I should throw myself down in the long, itchy grass.
I should walk, feel free and strong….
But I just will lay here, feeling good
for not doing.
What I should.
(If I cannot focus my energy into something soon I shall……..?)
Seagulls call and whirl.
Like black spots in the back of my eye.
Picked out against the blinding sky.
Swallow tail swift,
forked slender arrow.
Dove coo, ancient, wood-wise.
A car brakes through and then away.
Bleating lambs, skimble and moan for their mothers.
African music, low and happy,
Accompanies the scene.
Breezes, breezy, blowing lightly.
Yellow poppies bow and bend.
So slow and sweet.
” An old friend of mine arrived back in the country. He’s laying low, reviewing life and all that. He reminded me about writing.
“Have you been writing?” he asked.
That was all he needed to say.
If only I could feel that writing was worth it……after living with the tribe, the purity of ‘life without education’, without the conscious ‘head space’ of putting pen to paper, I find it difficult to arrange myself into that mode. Yet my thinking processes are so clear, so radical, the daily revelations and inspirations crowd my head.
This frustrated creation.
Automatically when I write I seem to take on a pompous overview, it’s almost as if I have a written accent…..that is proving impossible to shake.
Whenever I seize a pen the ‘I’ syndrome takes over – gone are the loose, fluid imaginings, replaced by stoic observations and “What will I write?”
Most importantly, I do not, generally, like what I produce, largely because it does not bear any resemblance to what I know I could, if only I could loose these tensions in my thinking.
I revert back to automatic writing regularly in an attempt to free myself – but this is often vague to the other extreme!
There is a deep knowledge inside of me, that tells me what I could be worth, but fear I will never achieve, is dampening the desire to even begin fulfilling these deep, driving dreams.’
Copied out into diary:
2 February: IMBOLC North
21 March: OSTARA North East
1 May: BELTANE East
21 June: LITHIA South East
1 August: LUGHNASADH South
22 September: MABON South West
31 October: SAMHUINN West
22 December: YULE North West
Copied out into diary from ‘Earth Medicine’ by Kenneth Meadows.
Birthdates: 23 November- 21 December
Earth Influence: Long Nights Time
Wind: West wind
Totem: Grizzly bear
Direction: North West
Elements: Fire with Earth
Elemental clan: Hawk Fire Clan
Function: changing things
Birth animal and totem: Owl
Plant totem: Mistletoe
Mineral totem: Obsidian
Polarity totem: Deer
Affinity colour: Gold
Musical vibration: C sharp
Personality: warm hearted, adventurous, independant
Positive traits: versatile, adaptable,scrupulous
Negative traits: restless, tactless, boisterous
Sex drive: adventurous
Compatabilities: Falcons and Salmon
Conscious aim: understanding
Sub conscious desire: dertermination
Life Path: Elevation
I ching trigram: Ken. The still mountain. Need for singleness of purpose.
Must cultivate: concentration,optimism, enthusiasm.
Must avoid: over indulgence,exaggeration,greed
Spritual alchemy: when Yin and Yang in balance
Further NOTES RE-OWL
Long Nights Time – thoughtful people, capable of seeking things out from the minds of others. Questioning ‘direction’ – getting a clear sighting of goals.
West Wind – able to cope with change and renewal.
North West – KARMA – repeated lessons until they are learnt. Imparting knowledge. Need for firm friendships and close relationships.
OWL – totem of mind, wisdom, sacred science, proud, observant. Drawn to esoteric subjects, ‘secrets’ with caution. Practical reality. Need to vanish if things become too involved (in these times in danger of being misunderstood, hurting themselves.)
OWL EXPRESSION – warm-hearted, jovial, fun-loving, independant outlook, adventurous temprement. Love of the great outdoors. Freedom from confinment and limitation. Freedom of mind and expression, freedom to go where they please, think what they like, say what they feel. Alert minds mean they develop more interests than they can cope with, becoming master of none. Enjoy lengthy conversations and arguments. Enjoy talking about things that interest them, less enthusiastic about other peoples’ interests. Explosive expressions if touched on a raw spot. Boldness and frankness – sometimes seen as insensivity/rudeness. Bitterly sarcastic when hurt. Run away from responsibility. Often this rebounds on them. Corageous. Pioneers/Explorers/Visionaries.
OWL HEALTH – danger spots are waistline, liver, hips and thighs. Excess weight and nervous exhaustion.
MISTLETOE. – medicine for cholera, convulsions, hysteria. Fertility/conception. Magical air. Clinging tendencies. Renewal.
OBSIDIAN – power to sharpen outer and inner vision. Foresight. ‘Apache tears’ – protection from grave sorrow. Balance emotions. Protection from emotional trauma. Powerful meditation tool.
GOLD – higher octave of orange. Love, compassion, realisation. Inspiring and comforting.
NOTE – C#
BEST MONTHS – 21st March – 19th April/ 22nd July – 21st August/23rd November-21st December.
Deer people make good friends, mentors. (21st – 20th June). Most compatible with Falcon (21st March – 19th April) and Salmon (22nd July – 21st August)