I hate this world. London. 1994.

“Sometimes I feel like ending it all – seriously. I know we are all alone in this f’ing life, but sometimes I wish I could do it all alone, rather than totally depending on misinformation and dodgy commitments.

It’s crazy.

I have forked out f’ing £65 for a ticket (ferry to France) in the belief that I had at least 3 passengers to split it with.

Now it’s just me and Millie…would have been cheaper.

Then got persuaded to stay as a job has come up for £200. Went to phone the travel agents, to change ticket and have to drive to the other side of London to change it adding a £5 fee.

Just thought to ask when I would actually get paid and it will be the day after we are supposed to go!
Grrrrr…I can’t believe it, so far I am at least £45 down due to other folks problems, perhaps by next week I’ll have nothing left at all…
And I’ll have been screwed dry and spat out. Karmically I obviously need this lesson, deserve to be in this place.

Where am I going wrong?

I hate this world.”

Two days later.

“Things are better than the last entry! Must have been a bad day!

I hate this world.” Honestly! It is not that bad!

On the ferry – the, by now familiar, rocking on and the fresh duty-free Drum.

A quick hot chocolate in the bar then zzzzzzzzzz.

Long drive tomorrow.

Confidence slowly rising again.

Don’t know where I am going.

Don’t know where I’ve been,

But to enjoy the going

Must be the ultimate thing.”


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