“Sometimes I feel like ending it all – seriously. I know we are all alone in this f’ing life, but sometimes I wish I could do it all alone, rather than totally depending on misinformation and dodgy commitments.
I have forked out f’ing £65 for a ticket (ferry to France) in the belief that I had at least 3 passengers to split it with.
Now it’s just me and Millie…would have been cheaper.
Then got persuaded to stay as a job has come up for £200. Went to phone the travel agents, to change ticket and have to drive to the other side of London to change it adding a £5 fee.
Just thought to ask when I would actually get paid and it will be the day after we are supposed to go!
Grrrrr…I can’t believe it, so far I am at least £45 down due to other folks problems, perhaps by next week I’ll have nothing left at all…
And I’ll have been screwed dry and spat out. Karmically I obviously need this lesson, deserve to be in this place.
Where am I going wrong?
I hate this world.”
Two days later.
“Things are better than the last entry! Must have been a bad day!
“I hate this world.” Honestly! It is not that bad!
On the ferry – the, by now familiar, rocking on and the fresh duty-free Drum.
A quick hot chocolate in the bar then zzzzzzzzzz.
Long drive tomorrow.
Confidence slowly rising again.
Don’t know where I am going.
Don’t know where I’ve been,
But to enjoy the going
Must be the ultimate thing.”