Alone. London. 1994.

“In these times alone I seem to just float consciously. Unaware of others. In circumstance born selfishness. A blissful ‘om’ and totally lacking in complication.

Maybe I was born to ‘cruise’ alone.

Or maybe that is just too easy.

Are the easy options life’s tests?

Is my karma cleaner, somehow stronger, if I chose a harder way for me?

Or is all that just an illusion?

That , in fact, the need for company, that I do suffer from, the wondering if I am building an invincible tower for myself, constantly comparing myself with the ‘norm’, the over thinking, is my main stress.

Which?

Sadhu. Sacrifice for freedom.

Whenever I am alone I miss people occasionally.

When I am with my friends, I can never find a comfortable place among them.

Does that say something?

It this what I must learn, to be among people?

It seems to find the peace, fill this hole in my understanding of fulfilment, I must make stronger connections. Build something stable in this chaotic life.

But the joker is played when, on reflection, I realise that it has only ever been when moving that I ever feel that blessed wholeness and satisfaction and I long for that feeling again.

This scares me sometimes.”

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