“In these times alone I seem to just float consciously. Unaware of others. In circumstance born selfishness. A blissful ‘om’ and totally lacking in complication.
Maybe I was born to ‘cruise’ alone.
Or maybe that is just too easy.
Are the easy options life’s tests?
Is my karma cleaner, somehow stronger, if I chose a harder way for me?
Or is all that just an illusion?
That , in fact, the need for company, that I do suffer from, the wondering if I am building an invincible tower for myself, constantly comparing myself with the ‘norm’, the over thinking, is my main stress.
Sadhu. Sacrifice for freedom.
Whenever I am alone I miss people occasionally.
When I am with my friends, I can never find a comfortable place among them.
Does that say something?
It this what I must learn, to be among people?
It seems to find the peace, fill this hole in my understanding of fulfilment, I must make stronger connections. Build something stable in this chaotic life.
But the joker is played when, on reflection, I realise that it has only ever been when moving that I ever feel that blessed wholeness and satisfaction and I long for that feeling again.
This scares me sometimes.”